Vulnerability in Men's Friendships: The Bridge We Rarely Cross

In the wilderness, I've shared everything with my male friends—tents in howling storms, the last of our water on parched trails, the terror of an unexpected blizzard. We've trusted each other with our physical safety countless times. Yet somehow, trusting each other with our inner lives felt far more dangerous.

I remember a winter expedition when my first marriage was unraveling. Its weight sat heavy in my chest for days as we trudged through snow. I wanted to speak, to share what was happening, but the words stayed locked behind my teeth. What if it made things awkward? So I kept it to myself, and we continued in comfortable, familiar silence.

When those trips ended, so did our friendship. Without shared adventures, there wasn't enough between us to sustain the connection. We had built our relationship on doing, not being.

In my latest Substack reflection, I explore why men's friendships often remain surface-level, anchored in activities while missing the emotional intimacy that defines true connection. Cultural norms have taught us to value stoicism over openness and strength over vulnerability. But at what cost?

My battle with cancer became my greatest teacher about the value of deeper connection. The friends who've stood by me aren't just adventure partners; they've seen me at my weakest and stayed. One bluntly told me to "get home now" when I mentioned feeling unwell during a trip, prioritizing my well-being over any adventure.

If you've ever wished your friendships ran deeper, I invite you to read the full reflection on my Substack, "The Edge of Now."

You can find it at: Vulnerability in Men's Friendships

— Thom